• What You Measure is What You Get.

    Einstein : Not everything that can be counted counts. And not everything that counts can be counted.
  • About me.

    I know enough to know that at 04.00am it gets dark out on the streets. It has done this for the last twenty odd years, to my knowledge and will probably continue for the forseeable future. At some stage in this ‘future’ I shall retire and probably won’t give a damn if it still gets dark at 04.00am. Until then I shall be out there, somewhere, lurking in the shadows because someone, somewhere will be doing stuff they shouldn’t and then, well then I will introduce myself. In the meanwhile I shall try to remain sane and remember why I joined in the first place and try to ignore all the people who piss me off by making the job more complicated than it should be.
  • Opinions

    Any opinions contained in posts are mine and mine alone. Many of them will not be those of any Police Force, Police Organisation or Police Service around this country. The opinions are based on many years of working within the field of practical operational Police work and reflect the desire to do things with the minimum of interference by way of duplication for the benefit of others who themselves do not do the same job. I recognise that we all perform a wide range of roles and this is essential to make the system work. If you don’t like what you see remember you are only one click on the mouse away from leaving. I accept no responsibility for the comments left by others.
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  • C.T.C. Constabulary.

    A Strategic Community Diversity Partnership. We are cutting bureaucracy and reducing the recording of target and monitoring related statistics. Our senior leaders will drive small, economical cars from our fleet surplus to save money to invest in better equipment for our frontline response officers. We are investing money to reinstate station canteens for the benefits of those 24/7 response officers. We have a pursuit policy. The message is that if you commit an offence and use a vehicle, we will follow you and stop you if necessary. It is your duty to stop when the lights and sirens are on. We take account of the findings of the Force questionnaire and are reducing the administration and management levels and returning these officers to frontline response duties. We insist on a work-life balance. We have no political masters. We are implimenting selection processes that take account of an individuals skills and proven abilities for the job. Our senior leaders will have one foot in reality and still possess the operational Policing skills they have long forgotton about and seldom used. All ranks are Police Officers first and specialists second. We will impliment career development and performance evaluation monitoring of our leaders by those officers who operate under that leadership. The most important role is that of Constable. All other roles are there to positively support the role and the responsibility of Constable and the duties performed.
  • Whichendbites

    “We trained very hard, but it seemed that every time we were beginning to form up into teams we would be reorganised. I was to learn later in life that we tend to meet any new situation by reorganising. It can be a wonderful method of creating the illusion of progress while creating confusion, inefficiency and demoralisation.”......Petronius
  • Just so.

    Taxation is just a sophisticated way of demanding money with menaces.
  • Reality.

    Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
  • Rank V’s Responsibility

    Don't confuse your idea of how important you are with the responsibility of your role.
  • Meetings.

    If you had to identify, in one word, why we will never achieve our full potential, Meetings would be that word.
  • There is always a bigger picture.

    When there is no answer to your problem, there is always deflection from the need to justify giving an answer.
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The New Management.

It appears that at the CTCC we have a bit of a problem. The troops are getting fed up with the constant management meddling and setting of targets, demanding the submission of statistical information relating to targets and just a little fed up with being deemed to be lazy or incompetent.

The Big Chief has told us that it is not about bureaucracy, targets and statistics but, as usual, the message loses something in translation as it comes down the ladder from the executive suite, ending up with forms to submit, lawful orders and vital to the really big plan.

To this end the management, not wanting to be seen to be anything other than totally right, as usual, have put forward the idea that they are not communicating their corporate message clearly enough to us in a way we can understand and appreciate. Clearly we are incometent orlazy and they deem it necessary to repeat their messages and get us to understand the way forward, their way. After all, their career development could depend on it.

They have come up with a radical new, inclusive and consultative style of management that is somehow deemed both tactical and strategic in their efforts to get over the problem of them humming their tune and us not knowing the words. There could even be a new desk in this for someone.








I think I understand now.


Motive Question

A  woman, while at the  funeral of her own mother, met a guy whom she did
not know.  She  thought this guy was amazing.  She believed him to be her dream
guy, so much so that she fell  in love with him right there, but never asked for his
number and subsequently could not find  him.  A few days later she killed her sister.
Question:  What was her motive for killing her sister?

The Dog’s don’t know any better.

It appears that for some, the trendy new weapon of choice has become our canine ‘pit bull’ type of dog. Thyere are still guns and knives about but there is an additional threat to worry about.

For those in the know, and often at the sharp end, there has been a worrying increase in the use of this type of canine to enhance the status of the incredibly irresponsible and criminally engaged as well as use the animal as a form of deterrent, protection and as a threat element to disrupt and try to prevent the otherwise missing part of life formally known as living within the laws of the land.

This menace, and otherwise status symbol of something dispicable and unlawful, is becoming the latest thing on the list of things to worry about.

They have been out and about in increasing numbers, used by those who do not have the companion pet animal doctrine or concerns of animal welfare at the front of their tiny minds. Events at the NHC only go to prove the increase in this type of menace used by the criminally motivated to prevent and deter lawful intervention of their activities.

Yet again, the few disrupt and cause the mayhem without regard for the majority who want only to enjoy the activity.

The use of pit bull types of dog is on the increase so be careful out there. Speak to your dog handler for advice.

Whereas the dogs concerned do not know any better, their human masters know full well what they are doing.

From good, to bad, to worse.

Well the day began early, Olympics on the TV and my sudden and rather odd appreciation of the interesting and superb Olympic sport of the ladies beach volleyball. Female gladiators of the sand no less.

The athleticism, determination and skill levels of this new sport caused me to watch for a lot longer than I had realised. I was hooked. Once I had got to grips with the rules (yes there are rules……..apparently) it was totally watchable stuff. I had progressed from the Baywatch with the sound turned down mode, to appreciating that these ladies are not only very fit, but also very talented and skillful, in fact much more so than I had first realised.

This tempered by frustration at some of the boxing judges who seem to have little idea of what a scoring punch consists of. David Price blasted knows what a good punch is and so  does his last opponent, the world No 1 Islam Timurziev.  Enough of that, back to the volleyball.

Now take the gorgeous Talita. She was part of the team that put Greece to bed. I noticed, care of the commentators, that it even started to rain. Surely this would make the sand stick to them. This could now be my viewing sport of choice.

So the day then moved from good to bad, with having to catch up on some paperwork, get it out of the way before some well earned time off. The van became my office and I took a break in the normally poor weather to catch up, a stunning view through the windscreen and before you know it, I had to start writing. At least had some scenery to write by. The van is my office, is my view of the world. A spot of lunch and my van doubles as my restaurant. A stroll with my lad to take in the air and back to base.

This is the time of year that sets me thinking, always. Its that time of year when my mind returns to dark times, to sad things. To 90 minutes worth of things.  No time at all if your side is 3-0 up but an eternity of torment if your side is 3-0 down. 90 minutes was a long time.

Can’t drive, won’t drive.

At the CTCC there is a sudden and unexpected crisis being discussed at meetings within the inner sanctum of the SMT secret bunker. It appears that we are facing severe increases in our fuel costs for operational vehicles. This has resulted in a huge dent in the fuel budgets that the bean counters claim they had not bargained for and will be subsidised from elsewhere, no doubt to someone else’s misery.

I also suspect that the bean counters responsible for failing to miss out on this little hole in the fuel budget will not be challenged over their incompetence.

The emergency biscuit reserve budget might be in for a worrying time over the next few months. 

As a result we have mileage restrictions for response vehicles to keep within a new restricted budget limits with severe words of advice if these targets are breached.

Whilst the management meetings continue to take place at varying locations within our Force area to allow for inclusion and involvement, thus incurring unnecessary and avoidable travelling expenses, the response units are shackled by even more restrictions and targets.

We are being encouraged to spend more time patrolling on foot in a new an innovative way of letting our communities see us and come onto contact with us. Of course, in line with the current NIM models and trends, we will only be allowed to patrol on foot in areas where the Force will able to count some more beans and thus reflect on another new and radical management stroke of genius in the leadership and decision making world of career enhancement.

This harks back to the early 80’s when we had more Police Officers on foot than we had driving around in cars. This is when we had more time devoted to being in the accessible public arena and a lot less things to measure as part of a whole host of business plans and strategies. This is when we were encouraged to give time to the public, to investigate even the minor crimes and officers knew people who lived within their communities. No need to embed yourself because this is what you did everyday.

With the announcement that inflation is running high at 4.4% (to the shock and horror of everyone who pays bills and believes it to be more like over 10%) I suspect that another shafting over our pay is galloping over a hill somewhere near you. I think I can already hear the hoof-beats somewhere rather close-by. 

Once again I can see the shafting stick on the table.   BOHICA.

Fit for purpose.

Well it is now official. At the CTCC the Dogs Section is deemed to be fit for purpose. The vans must be clean and there is still some tread on the tyres.  

We have got the official news from the Chief Superintendent that we are deemed to have been ticking all the right boxes. This comes hot on the heels of the Support Services Department being granted the Investing in People charter. What can I say, my little chest heaves with pride.

I have had a chat with my dog and he has not the faintest idea what all the fuss is about. He just wants to bite people who piss him off, chase people or find people, in varying orders depending on his mood.

I have tried to put things into context, yet still don’t quite understand how it works.

We are struggling to get enough 24/7 General Purpose cover for our response colleagues on District as well as offer the varied specialist search capabilities. All this around keeping the bean counters happy by being available for every NIM allocated directed patrol for the managements perceived idea of all this downtime they think we have and move us further away from our real ‘customers’. 

Down time ???????????  They should be on the stage.

Clearly the management have not spoken to the majority of the troops. The idea of being fit purpose from the two areas, management and operational troops, appears to give differences of opinions as different as shite from sugar.

Equally the Investing in People Charter accreditation leaves a few of us bemused, confused and with some awkward questions circling in that grey matter inside our heads.

Like why those who decided on accreditation did not speak to any of the Masses who are exceedingly pissed  off or those who have been shafted by the management ?

I wait with interest for the next copy of the quarterly Force rag to be left, conveniently, in trap 1 so I can peruse the fantasy ramblings at my leisure.

With our leader about to consider retirement,  I just can’t wait to see who comes in to fill the space. I dare say that careful consideration will be given as to who will best serve the management agenda.

At least we are deemed to be fit for purpose.


Anna had lost her husband almost four years ago. She was beginning to lose her social skills. This is one of the big things to learn to cope with after the loss of someone this close.
Her daughter was constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the world. After all, her mother was a friendly, genuine and social person.

Finally, Anna said she’d go out, but didn’t know anyone.

Her daughter immediately replied, ‘Mum! I have someone for you to meet. She knew her mother well and had picked a good social match. That should be a social interest to get her mother back out into the world. It would be a start. One small step at a time and all that…………….

Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend away…

Their first night there, she undressed as did he. There she stood nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties, he was in his birthday suit.

Looking her over, he asked, ‘Why the black panties?’

She replied: ‘My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning.’

He knew he was not getting lucky that night.

The following night was the same – she stood there wearing the black panties, and he was in his birthday suit – but now he was wearing a black condom.


She looked at him and asked: ‘What’s with the black condom?’

He replied, ‘I want to offer my deepest condolences.’