You couldn’t make it up.

It seems that Police Dogs can be scary. Some times at least.

I presume this is not the cuddly but somewhat hyperactive little springers or cocker spaniels, the sociable but eternally affable labradors often used in the realms of drugs and explosives detection work. I can only assume that this is aimed at the larger and less understood larger and often deemed ‘bitey’ dogs.

The malleys, rotties, GS Dees of the general policing dog world. The ones used to support the response officers by finding the miscreants and general unlikeable elements of our crime ridden and imperfect society as well as the lost and vulnerable or eternally stupid. 

According to one daily rag there are concerns over the use of Police dogs. As a result the liberal and weak kneed are running for cover following another serious bout of arse covering for a perceived deluge of compo claims because our Dean-Dale-Darren-Shaun-Shane-Carl-Dom or whatever name exists has a bit of a problem with canine allergies or the like. Not just the problem with the sharp bits but also the lustrous and furry coat of said beasts.

Police dog handlers have been told to consider whether criminals could be frightened of dogs before using them in raids or searches.

They should also think carefully about the possibility of suspects being allergic to dog hair, according to draft guidelines drawn up by senior officers.

The proposals follow fears that suspects with medical conditions affected by dogs could sue forces which authorise the animals’ use during arrests or raids.

Peter Vaughan, the Association of Chief Police Officers’ adviser on dogs, explained the principle behind the proposals.

‘The draft guidelines outline a general principle that forces should consider what steps can be taken to avoid offending people during operations.’

Mr Vaughan, a deputy chief constable of South Wales Police, added: ‘This might include different categories of people such as those with a fear of dogs, for example, or asthma sufferers who may be sensitive to dog hair.’

PC David Heaps, a dog handling trainer at Derbyshire Constabulary, added: ‘We are very mindful not to cause offence.’

However a serving dog handler, who asked not to be named, declared: ‘I have never heard anything so ridiculous. What’s next? Sparing people custody because they have a fear of enclosed spaces?

‘This is just another example of namby-pamby policing laid down by people who haven’t been on the beat in years.’

One thing is for certain. If you commit crime, try to escape, engage in acts of violence or threats of violence and there is a large Police Dog deployed in the area, unless you comply with the instructions you might be given if the circumstances allow you are likely to face a good chance of an introduction to some serious canine dentistry. This is likely to smart a bit and might even require a visit to hospital. Itis also quite likely that you will carry a visible reminder and a hard learned memory as a result of your actions.

Oh yes…………..we also find lost and missing people who do not face hospitalisation or the need to be sewn back together after a meeting with our dogs.

I am beginning to understand why the warning on a packet of nuts states…….quite clearly………This product contains nuts. Its time for that darkened room again.