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You couldn’t make it up.

It seems that Police Dogs can be scary. Some times at least.

I presume this is not the cuddly but somewhat hyperactive little springers or cocker spaniels, the sociable but eternally affable labradors often used in the realms of drugs and explosives detection work. I can only assume that this is aimed at the larger and less understood larger and often deemed ‘bitey’ dogs.

The malleys, rotties, GS Dees of the general policing dog world. The ones used to support the response officers by finding the miscreants and general unlikeable elements of our crime ridden and imperfect society as well as the lost and vulnerable or eternally stupid. 

According to one daily rag there are concerns over the use of Police dogs. As a result the liberal and weak kneed are running for cover following another serious bout of arse covering for a perceived deluge of compo claims because our Dean-Dale-Darren-Shaun-Shane-Carl-Dom or whatever name exists has a bit of a problem with canine allergies or the like. Not just the problem with the sharp bits but also the lustrous and furry coat of said beasts.

Police dog handlers have been told to consider whether criminals could be frightened of dogs before using them in raids or searches.

They should also think carefully about the possibility of suspects being allergic to dog hair, according to draft guidelines drawn up by senior officers.

The proposals follow fears that suspects with medical conditions affected by dogs could sue forces which authorise the animals’ use during arrests or raids.

Peter Vaughan, the Association of Chief Police Officers’ adviser on dogs, explained the principle behind the proposals.

‘The draft guidelines outline a general principle that forces should consider what steps can be taken to avoid offending people during operations.’

Mr Vaughan, a deputy chief constable of South Wales Police, added: ‘This might include different categories of people such as those with a fear of dogs, for example, or asthma sufferers who may be sensitive to dog hair.’

PC David Heaps, a dog handling trainer at Derbyshire Constabulary, added: ‘We are very mindful not to cause offence.’

However a serving dog handler, who asked not to be named, declared: ‘I have never heard anything so ridiculous. What’s next? Sparing people custody because they have a fear of enclosed spaces?

‘This is just another example of namby-pamby policing laid down by people who haven’t been on the beat in years.’

One thing is for certain. If you commit crime, try to escape, engage in acts of violence or threats of violence and there is a large Police Dog deployed in the area, unless you comply with the instructions you might be given if the circumstances allow you are likely to face a good chance of an introduction to some serious canine dentistry. This is likely to smart a bit and might even require a visit to hospital. Itis also quite likely that you will carry a visible reminder and a hard learned memory as a result of your actions.

Oh yes…………..we also find lost and missing people who do not face hospitalisation or the need to be sewn back together after a meeting with our dogs.

I am beginning to understand why the warning on a packet of nuts states…….quite clearly………This product contains nuts. Its time for that darkened room again.


12 Responses

  1. How about…

    “Always wear gloves”

    On a container of hand cleaner…

  2. ‘This might include different categories of people such as those with a fear of dogs, for example, or asthma sufferers who may be sensitive to dog hair.’

    Is this guy for real?

    I think he needs to take a spell rolling in the gutters of a Friday night instead of quaffing Tom Collins or Martini’s.

  3. Wouldn’t it be nice if they were allergic? What a lovely thought.

  4. Next from the force policy office: “We are no longer issuing officers with sprays or extendable batons in case the people they need to arrest are Agliophobics.”

    My personal favourite nanny-state sign is:

    http://www.nerdtests.com/picsarea/eed6fdd3d34045f6114be59a7e2bb13c.jpg (it’s at the top of the page)

  5. You’ve got to be kidding. Well, if they are allergic then they shouldn’t be in said area doing something that will bring on the mighty fur beast! They should be in their own controlled environment.

  6. Oh come on !!!

    After they have recovered from their fur-induced asthma attack, they might have their ‘innate fear of authority figures’ to cope with down at the nick? … poor little darlings!

    Then there is the claustrophobia if put in a cell….. there again, if you let them go, you might set off their agoraphobia….. ?

    Maybe you should just set the spiders onto him ?

    On the other hand, perhaps you should be training moult-free dogs as police dogs so as not to get up their noses?

    The old saying: “If you don’t like the heat, stay out of the kitchen” would appear to be apt

  7. I agree moult free dogs. So we’ll WEB attending confirmed intruder burglaries or a decamp from a stolen vehicle with his fearsome poodle or bichon frieze.

    Not that I’m taking the mick Lesley, but when you mentioned it I was struck with a powerful mental image I had to share!

  8. I know lets withdraw all the guns that we currently use in case tey shoot someone and Oh kill them?
    What ever next???????????????

  9. I understand those responsible for these guidelines state they are not intended to prevent the necessary operational use of dogs.

    It is quite clear it is a case of covering their own ass in the case of a law suit and pushing the crap down to the handler.

    Not like the job to do that at all is it?

  10. Banging…my…head…against…desk…


  11. I recently had to escort a D.P. to have his backside photographed.
    This was in relation to his complaint of police brutality during his arrest at a rave.
    Therfore; I can confirm that a Police dog + miscreant’s ar5e = several puncture wounds and quite a lot of blood.
    The D.P. was somewhat distressed and I gave it all concerned, ‘that looks painful’, chit-chat.
    But, if I’m honest, on the inside, I was smiling like a deranged Cheshire cat!

  12. What next?

    “Komfort Kuffs”…for that extra comfy fit?

    Or maybe you’ll be told to shave the dogs and have their teeth removed….just to be on the safe side mind.

    My god, a bald gummy german shepherd would be a fecking scary sight……recurring nightmares, flashbacks…the wee buggers would still sue wouldn’t they?

    Soon the pava spray will be replaced with an asthma inhaler on a lanyard.

    What is the world coming to!

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