• What You Measure is What You Get.

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    I know enough to know that at 04.00am it gets dark out on the streets. It has done this for the last twenty odd years, to my knowledge and will probably continue for the forseeable future. At some stage in this ‘future’ I shall retire and probably won’t give a damn if it still gets dark at 04.00am. Until then I shall be out there, somewhere, lurking in the shadows because someone, somewhere will be doing stuff they shouldn’t and then, well then I will introduce myself. In the meanwhile I shall try to remain sane and remember why I joined in the first place and try to ignore all the people who piss me off by making the job more complicated than it should be.
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A is for Aga

A is for Aga:

One conservative MP charged £160 each year to have his Aga serviced.

B is for bread bin:

£20, bought by a Labour backbencher in 2007.


£6.14, from B&Q, claimed by a female Labour backbencher based in the home counties.

C is for Cat Food:

One animal-loving female Conservative MP claimed 78p for two tins of Cesar Chicken and Turkey pet food and £3.69 for Iams Senior pet food.

Chocolate Santa:

59p, charged by a Welsh Labour MP in 2006.

D is for Dyson:

Animal vacuum cleaner, £299.99, claimed by a meticulous LibDem MP in 2005.

E is for Elephant Lamps:

two for £134.30, bought by a well-known Tory frontbencher.


£2.50, from Boots, bought by a female LibDem MP in 2005.

F is for Farrow and Ball paint:

charged by a Tory shadow minister as part of a £1,775 interior house painting claim for his home in the country.

Farley’s Rusks:

£1.59, bought by a Conservative backbencher in 2006

G is for ginger crinkle biscuits;

67p, bought by a peckish Labour backbencher in 2007.

H is for horse manure:

One particularly wealthy Tory MP charged £10 for a bag of manure for his country retreat.


A no-nonsense Labour backbencher bought a cordless hammer drill from Woolworths for £15 and a tape measure for 43p.

I is for Ikea carrier bag:

5p, claimed by a Labour MP in his Scottish constituency.

Ice cube tray:

£1.50, bought by a former Labour Cabinet minister from M&S in 2008.

J is for Jaffa Cakes:

£1.60 for two packs, charged by an outspoken junior minister in 2004.

Jellied eels:

£1.31, claimed by an Essex-based MP

K is for Kit Kat:

£2.50, bought from the minibar of the Sherlock Holmes Hotel in London by one of Labour’s best-known female MPs.

L is for loo seat:

One particularly heavyweight Labour MP bought two in the space of a year for his constituency home.

M is for illuminated make-up mirror:

£19.95, by Revlon, bought from John Lewis by a middle-aged female Labour MP.


One Tory grandee charged £35 per quarter for a mole catcher at his country home.

N is for nappies:

Two packets of Pampers at £5.65 each, charged by a junior Labour minister after he became a father.

O is for odd jobs:

A LibDem frontbencher charged for the cost of a handyman to replace a rope on his swinging chair, at a cost of £77, together with several other small jobs.

P is for Pizza Wheel:

£3, bought from a Bodum shop in Oxfordshire by Tory backbencher; piano tuning £40, claimed by a former Tory minister in 2004; pouffe, £199 from DFS, bought by a self-styled Labour hard man in 2008.

Q is for quiche flan dish:

Part of a 110-piece dinner set bought on ebay for £155 by the wife of one Labour backbencher.

R is for rats:

One well-heeled Labour member claimed £199 per quarter for regular visits from Rentokil to deal with a rat and mouse infestation at her London home.

S is for shampoo:

£1.65, claimed by a balding Labour backbencher in 2007; swimming pool – one Tory grandee charged £98.63 for a service on his swimming pool boiler at his country home.

T is for Tampax:

Two packs at £1.11 each, claimed by a Conservative MP who lost his seat in 2005.

Toilet brush holder:

£9.99 from Homebase, bought by a fastidious male member of the LibDems;

Corby Trouser Press, in mahogany.£119.00, bought from John Lewis by one of the wealthier LibDem MPs.

U is for utensils:

Potato peeler, £4.50, claimed by a member of the Tory front bench.

V is for Vileda supermop:

£4.99, claimed by a moustachioed Labour MP in 2005.

W is wine rack:

£14.99 from Homebase, claimed by a Labour MP for his west country home. Weed killer, £3.49, from Focus DIY, bought by a Labour MP and part-time handyman.

X is X-rated movies:

Ordered by the husband of a Labour frontbencher, two for £10.

Y is for Yucca plant:

£9.99 from Homebase, bought by a home-loving LibDem member for his constituency home.

Z is for Zanussi Oven:

£337.18, bought by a knighted Conservative MP from B&Q in 2007.

I wonder what comes after A to Z.

There is more here, here and here and here.

As much as I detest copying links without giving at least some information, it is worthy of a look at exactly how much our elected political master have been taking the piss big time with their expenses claims at the loss to the British taxpayers. I have posted about this before and the never ending attempts to cover up the true scale of the expenses gravy train at the cost to the tax payers defies belief. The secret cloak and Living under the cloak are two examples.

They can threaten legal action, bluff and bluster in denial but they have been caught red handed with their hands in the taxpayers till. Now they will twist and writhe as they posture that they have done nothing wrong and it is the system at fault. They will state that they were going to change the system and that we must put this behind us and move forward. Sadly conscience does not form part of the system for some.

 Matt cartoon 9th May 2009


9 Responses

  1. I luv it, WEB. Do you mind if I copy it, please?

  2. Dickiebo. No probs

  3. […] from WhichEndBites‘ site, with thanks to […]

  4. […] from WhichEndBites‘ site, with thanks to […]

  5. Cheers, mate.

  6. The more I read about this, the higher my blood pressure gets. Pass me the piano wire, a ladder and the nearest MP, please.

  7. Fee, You can borrow my ladders…I’ll hold them for you.

  8. Hold up a minute! The Pampers were not claimed and I’d bet the Tampax weren’t either.

    If you do a shop at the supermarket and need to claim for one or two items (out of 97) you still have to submit the whole receipt.

    The Telegraph cocked up here.

    There is no need to falsely accuse our MPs. There’s so much genuine stuff that any error or fabrication is completely unnecessary.

  9. Your post is very well crafted and I have learned. Ive added your blog to my reading material. Thanks for the update!

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