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Simply not cricket.

Well there I was, just checking that I had not over-extended myself with my expenses claim by way of any adult pay-per-view films and I was totally distracted by the cricket.  I was drawing the comparisons with how some rather complicated things could be confused and I would not want to get into the mire for inadvertently claiming for things I had not had, were deemed to be a bit out of order or were simply too inappropriate for the tax payer to stump up for on my behalf.

I have missed out on my telephone, internet and cable TV support as I just have to cough up for that myself. I do not have a second home so must make do with a mortgage and pay all my own domestic bills like every other normal working person. I am not even able to get some money for my son to go to Uni and work as a researcher for me.

Perhaps I should have tried to become an MP and got some tremendous expenses package as a right and be done with it all. Some of the claims are simply not cricket.

I decided to forget it and concentrate on the cricket, which seemed a lot easier to understand.

Cricket…………..It’s a funny old game.  But is it easier than political expenses ?

You have two sides, one out in the field and one in, but not in the field. The side that is in, is not in the field, only the side that is out is in the field. The team that is in are in to bat until they are out and then they take the turn to be out in the field and not in because the other team will now be in and not in the field. The teams consist of eleven players on each side but they have another called the twelfth man, obviously. Each man that’s in the team that’s in eventually gets out, and when he’s out the next man in the team that’s in, comes in until such time that he is out until all the men in the team that is in, are out. There is only one man in the team which is in that is not out because he will be left by himself and will not be out. He will still be in but his team will be out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out. These can be called not out, obviously. The team that is out try to get the team that is in, out, by throwing a hard ball at the wickets. Despite the ball being hard the game is not called hardball, it is called cricket. Hardball just wouldn’t be cricket. These are two sets of three long bits of wood close together. Each of the selected players from the team that is out and trying to get the team that is in, out, throw the hard ball from one set of wickets towards the other set six times. This is called an over. The over is over when the six times have been achieved. Then another six times of throwing the hard ball from the other end of the wicket. The wicket is the piece of ground, usually grass, that the game is played on with sets of wickets at each end making targets for the team that is out to try to hit to get the team that is in, out. Do not be confused between the wicket and the wickets. The wicket is the piece of grass in a measured distance of 22 yards. The wickets are the three long pieces of wood that form the targets for the team that is out to try to hit to get the team that is in, out. When they are all out, apart from the last man who does not get out, the side that was out now comes in and the side that was in but is not out, tries to get the side that is now in, out. There are many ways of getting out once you are in. The team that is out will try these ways to get the team that is in, out, and vice versa. When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in. This happens until all the men in the team that are in, are out. Except for the man who is in the team that is in but he will not be out, although his team will be out. There are two men called umpires who stay all out the time and they decide when the men who are in are out. The players from both teams obey the word of the umpire. To show disrespect is simply not cricket. The ground where the game is played is not confined to the wicket. It is played in a field and surrounded by a line or markers that signify the boundary of the playing area. A player for the team that is in, can hit the hard ball, thrown at him by a player of the team that is out, as one of his six balls per each over. If the ball is hit and goes beyond the boundary after hitting the ground within the line known as the boundary, then it is called a boundary and scores the princely sum of 4 runs. If it crosses the boundary without touching the ground then it score a greater number of 6 runs. Players from the team that is in, use a long piece of wood to hit the hard ball when it is thrown at them by the team that is out and trying to get the team in, out. It is not like the long pieces of wood known as the wickets, but a larger piece of wood called a bat. The players of the team that is in, use the bat to hit the hard ball and try to get it to go away from the wickets so they can score a run if they run the full length between the wickets and run on the wicket but not in the area of the wicket where the team that is out thrown the ball at the wickets to get the players in the team that are in, out. Whilst the players of the team that are in, are running on the wicket but between the wickets, but not on the area of the wicket that the team that is out throw the hardball towards the wickets to try to get the player of the team that is in, out, and the hardball hits the wickets whilst the player is running between the wickets but inside the white markings between the wickets on the wicket, the umpire may decide that the team that is out has got the batsman who is in and running between the wickets, but still on the wicket, to be out and not still in. In these circumstances that player from the in team is in fact out. He does not join the team that is out but goes of the field to wait for his team to be out and then try to get the other team out when they become in. The player from the team who hits this boundary does not have to run between the two sets of wickets as the four or six runs are his and added to his total until such time that he is out and no longer in. For all the rest of his runs, he has to hit the hard ball when it is thrown at him and run between the two sets of wickets and is granted one run for each time he is able to run a full length of the wicket distance, as defined by two white lines. If a player from the team that is out can throw the hard ball to hit the wickets whilst the player who is in is running between the two sets of wickets, then that player is deemed to be out by the umpires. When both teams have taken turns to be in and to try to get the team that is in, out, they do this all over again. So they have been in and all the men have been given out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out. The score are counted by someone who counts the scores for each of the teams that have been both in and out. The team with the highest score of runs or sometimes with the least amount of players who have been out whilst their team was in, are declared the winners. That is the end of the game, usually, but if for any reason that the game is abandoned or drawn, there can be a winning draw or possibly something that no one really gets to grips with, the Duckworth Lewis method of deciding who has won the game. This is where it gets a little complicated. This is for calculating the winner by a mathematical formula that no one understands. A bit like MP’s expenses probably. Perhaps the same decides both. 

On second thoughts………………………..Cricket and politics are surprisingly similar. One side is in and the other side is out. The side that is out tries to get the side that is in, out.  etc etc etc.


5 Responses

  1. Darn the analogy. Jacqui’s fringe benefit innings is vindicated by Lord’s Law 42(3) which clearly permits drying wet balls on a towel.

  2. Absolutley. Now if l can ever understand cricket l will understand politics.

    Guess that means never 🙂

  3. Can I throw hard, round, objects at certain of our political leaders?

    A good, sporting, model of hard round object made by Mills?

  4. Wow, love the way you explained the cricket.
    Now please explain the politics.

  5. I’m confused.

    More by the politics, than by the cricket, which I’ve given up ever trying to understand.

    You’re not helping.

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