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Military humour.

The Queen is inspecting 3 armed forces personnel, 1 from each of her fighting forces.

She asks each one what they would do if they woke up and found a camel spider in their tent on operations?

The squaddie says, “I’d reach over, grab my bayonet and stab it to death!”

The matelot says, “I’d reach over, grab my boot and batter it to death !”

The airman says, “I’d reach over, pick up my phone, call reception and ask……..

“Who the f*** has put a tent up in my hotel room?”

HT rogue gunner


13 Responses

  1. Too right, I only went to war if there was a 5 star hotel involved.

    You have to admit, Betty Windsor’s Flying Circus have it right. We sent our officers out to fight….

  2. Reminds me of a couple of jokes my grandad used to tell ( a former Royal Marine 42-46)

    An American soldier and a British soldier meet in a pub in Chatham.
    Comparing each others uniforms, the British soldier asks:
    “So what does the USM on the collar, stand for.”
    The American soldier replys:
    “It stands for UNITED STATES MARINES!, the toughest, bravest fighting men in the world, we kick ass and take names, no job too hard, no danger too great, HOORAH!”

    The American then asks:
    “So what does the RM on your collar stand for?”

    “Real Marine” says the Brit


    A French and British General are talking at a ‘do’

    The French General says:
    “My men are so perfectly trained, when asked to present arms, all you hear is ‘Stomp, Stomp, Slap, Slap’ all in perfect unison.”

    “Well” says the British General, ” When my men present arms, all you hear is ‘Stomp, Stomp, Slap, Slap, Jingle, Jingle.”

    “Jingle, Jingle?” says the French General.

    “Well” says the British General. “They can’t help it you see, it’s the medals”

  3. The Airforce have class!

  4. Very funny.

  5. A friend of mine was a Cox’n on a RAF SaR boat out in the Med.

    One fine day, the USN testing one of their new Hydrofoil SaR boats, whistled past his old boat, signalled him “You have just been passed by the USN’s newest and fastest rescue boat..”
    My friend and his crew, not being too impressed, started the rest of their engines (5 in total, I believe) and shortly afterwards passed the hydrofoil…Signalling “You have just been passed by the RAF’s OLDEST and SLOWEST rescue boat….”

  6. An Australian infantry sergeant and a US Marine sergeant were on exchange duty and were sharing the latrines.

    The Aussie sergeant finished first and walked out without washing his hands. The US Marine watched in disgust, finished, washed his hands, walked out and caught up to the Aussie sergeant , saying “In the US Marine Corps we’re taught to wash our hands after a leak”.

    The Aussie sergeant replied, “In the Australian Army mate, we’re taught not to piss on our hands …! “

  7. The reason the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines squabble among themselves is that they don’t speak the same language.

    For example, take a simple phrase like, “Secure the building.”

    • The Army will put guards around the place.

    • The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.

    • The Air Force will take out a 5-year lease with an option to buy.

    • The Marines will kill everybody inside and make it a command post.

  8. […] we are to the first of many Friday instalments of military humour. First up a joke that I found on Whichendbites‘ blog, posted in reply by Pavlov’s […]

  9. […] 29, 2009 by Marquesate First up a joke that I found on Whichendbites‘ […]

  10. […] 19, 2009 by Marquesate First up a joke that I found on Whichendbites‘ […]

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