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Cage Rage Crackdown.

At the CTCC the powers that be are having yet another crackdown.

The movers and shakers in search of their next positive headline to show the community how they are making the place be safe and feel safer are launching another crackdown on violent crime.

We have had various crackdowns before.

I dare say that there will be a catchy slogan or mission statement that will lull people into thinking that there are serious efforts underway to resolve a particular issue.

We will be out hunting for those who flaunt whatever is the target of the latest crackdown. In fact, we will be working harder than ever to try our best to crackdown on the selected crackdown target. We will be working with our partners to do whatever this is.

In reality there will something a little different.

There will be photo opportunities for the senior ranks, local government officials and a smattering of PCSO’s to hit the media.

There will be no additional resources to support the crackdown initiative we are apparently investing our resources in. No overtime because we have not got any money because the bean counters have seen fit to ‘invest’ in Icelandic banks and now have budget shortfalls because of their sound and prudent financial decision making processes. I am still at a loss to understand how we were able to ‘invest’ in foreign banks when we are ALWAYS subject to budget constraints. So shifts will be changed and a positive spin put on the whole thing as a way of promoting the corporate aims and the strategic objectives requiring implementation of the tactical plan for the said subject of the crackdown.

Topping the bill in the CTCC octagon this week will be the SMT raiders against the response tag team. As is the norm, the raiders will be setting policy in the blue corner, triumphantly making the rules of engagement and promoting the whole event with the usual accompaniment of positive words and smiley faces. Some of them might even have their hats on. They heavyweight support training from Government dirty moves and policy instructors. There is talk of incentives to reward a positive performance.

In opposition, the response teams in the red corner, will have the normal handicap of one arm tied behind their backs before they start and be vastly outnumbered by the raiders, who will have the well rested and motivational stars and crowns brothers making noises about working together and lawful orders pin downs.

The response tag team, although rattling the sabres of insufficient numbers and existing workload in their team face almost certain submission by the famed management choke hold manoeuvre that always comes when they are least able to defend against it. Even with some enthusiastic heavyweight recruits by way of support from some of the response Inspectors and Sergeants, sources reveal that treachery and failing to support the corporate plan tactics might be used as a way of limiting the success of these useful additions to the tag team’s chances. If all else fails, the monitoring and obtaining statistics for submission before the next tactical meeting will keep the Inspectors and Sergeants busy enough to be otherwise occupied and of no use to the response tag team.

With the management already having the benefit of three rounds of weekly meetings the raiders are clear favourites to defend their crackdown title.

SMT raiders are overwhelming favourites to defend their crackdown title against the response tag team. The only doubt is how overwhelming their victory is likely to be.

Will it be the arm behind your back bar or the management choke out submission ?

You decide.


5 Responses

  1. True post mate. One point is though the guest referee….it’s always the Home Secretary and the realy big bean counters so even in the unlikly event of the response tag team winning through the rear naked choke hold they will be disqualified thus a SMT win everytime. Sad but true.

  2. I bet that not one scrote will spend any more time inside. I bet that not one scrote will even be punished in any real way.

  3. I cannot be the only person who thinks the Emergency Services shouldn’t have “mission statements” (and I’m kind of against them in most companies).

    If the Emergency Services MUST have them, then may I suggest:


    “We nick bad people, assist the public and maintain the Queen’s Peace.”

    Fire Service

    “We put out fires and extricae unfortunates from RTCs.”

    Ambulance Service

    “We get to sick and injured people as quickly as possible, mend what we can and get the rest to hospital. We also pick up drunks.”

    Mountain Rescue

    “We pull prats off mountains.”

    etc for Lifeboats & Coastguard.

    I like to work on the KISS (Keep It Simple, Stupid) principle.

  4. Have mission statements on veterinary side as well. I was once offered a locum job on the condition that l learnt their mission statement.
    Funily enough the vet has not spoken to me since. I feel hurt at this snub, l was not rude to him, l just acted on the principles of free speach.

  5. We had a ‘mission statement’ when I was in the forces. I cannot remember what it was. I do know our version was something like ‘Nuke them until they glow, then nuke them again in the dark’ Not PC apparently. I am surprised that they didn’t want us to make a profit.

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