The CTCC have announced a budget deficit as part of their spending revue into the various budgets that circulate within the organisation. The fuel spending has increased by well over 18% of the forecast based on the budget forecast of the preceding financial period.
People who live in the real world know that inflation is definitely not currently running at 3%.
The huge increase in fuel costs mean that the Constabulary has decided to switch to cycles as the new mode of transport. The vast fuel budgetary saving mean that a fleet of response tandems will be rolled out across the Constabulary to maintain a double crewed response facility. These will be fitted with bells so the public will be aware in case of emergency high response journeys are undertaken.
An anonymous Police source stated that a number of converted rickshaws were on order from an Eastern base supplier and these were adapted to deal with violent or uncooperative prisoners as well give a high profile presence in the efforts to make the public feel safe and raise confidence. Some of these will have cages fitted to allow for a highly mobile and effective Police Dog presence as a valuable support response to front line officers.
Specially adapted tandems equipped with saddle bags and panniers will allow for a continued armed response capability. We understand that unlike the normal single crewed response cycle having only 3 gears, the Traffic and Firearms response will be fitted with 21 gears and proper shock suspension units. Electric powered cycles are rumoured to be secretly patrolling the high risk areas with tasers constantly charging.
Supervisory cycles are to be fitted with hooters and carry a drinks bottle on the frame. Some will be fitted with an adapted front frame carrier where first aid kits could be carried.
The Constabulary has released a statement in which it confirms its commitment to green patrols and has assured transparency in reallocating the budget savings. We understand that all cycles will be fitted with pumps and a puncture repair kit. Lighting kits will be available with a flashing blue attachment.
Following on from the Smoking ban imposed last year, the redundant smoking shelters are to be converted into bike sheds accommodate all the extra cycles.
There will be a series of weekly strategic response cycling policy monitoring working group meetings to evaluate the new response system and to fight over where the budget savings are best used.
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