• What You Measure is What You Get.

    Einstein : Not everything that can be counted counts. And not everything that counts can be counted.
  • About me.

    I know enough to know that at 04.00am it gets dark out on the streets. It has done this for the last twenty odd years, to my knowledge and will probably continue for the forseeable future. At some stage in this ‘future’ I shall retire and probably won’t give a damn if it still gets dark at 04.00am. Until then I shall be out there, somewhere, lurking in the shadows because someone, somewhere will be doing stuff they shouldn’t and then, well then I will introduce myself. In the meanwhile I shall try to remain sane and remember why I joined in the first place and try to ignore all the people who piss me off by making the job more complicated than it should be.
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    Any opinions contained in posts are mine and mine alone. Many of them will not be those of any Police Force, Police Organisation or Police Service around this country. The opinions are based on many years of working within the field of practical operational Police work and reflect the desire to do things with the minimum of interference by way of duplication for the benefit of others who themselves do not do the same job. I recognise that we all perform a wide range of roles and this is essential to make the system work. If you don’t like what you see remember you are only one click on the mouse away from leaving. I accept no responsibility for the comments left by others.
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  • C.T.C. Constabulary.

    A Strategic Community Diversity Partnership. We are cutting bureaucracy and reducing the recording of target and monitoring related statistics. Our senior leaders will drive small, economical cars from our fleet surplus to save money to invest in better equipment for our frontline response officers. We are investing money to reinstate station canteens for the benefits of those 24/7 response officers. We have a pursuit policy. The message is that if you commit an offence and use a vehicle, we will follow you and stop you if necessary. It is your duty to stop when the lights and sirens are on. We take account of the findings of the Force questionnaire and are reducing the administration and management levels and returning these officers to frontline response duties. We insist on a work-life balance. We have no political masters. We are implimenting selection processes that take account of an individuals skills and proven abilities for the job. Our senior leaders will have one foot in reality and still possess the operational Policing skills they have long forgotton about and seldom used. All ranks are Police Officers first and specialists second. We will impliment career development and performance evaluation monitoring of our leaders by those officers who operate under that leadership. The most important role is that of Constable. All other roles are there to positively support the role and the responsibility of Constable and the duties performed.
  • Whichendbites

    “We trained very hard, but it seemed that every time we were beginning to form up into teams we would be reorganised. I was to learn later in life that we tend to meet any new situation by reorganising. It can be a wonderful method of creating the illusion of progress while creating confusion, inefficiency and demoralisation.”......Petronius
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    When there is no answer to your problem, there is always deflection from the need to justify giving an answer.
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PCSO reorganisation in the pipeline.

We appear to be getting inundated with calls to sort out anti-social youth and youth related disorder, threats, threats of disorder, intimidation, youth littering, abuse, plus the perceived crime wave associated with some of the youth of today.

Following a strategic alliance meeting, the way forward has been decided. there will be a new community action team who will give an increased level of high visibility patrol presence and exercise a zero tolerance towards any actions deemed to be anti social in nature or likely to disrupt the public peace and tranquility that should be the norm. All law abiding citizens will have nothing to fear as there will be no fear to perceive.

The new severely pro-active PCSO (Police Community Spartan Officers) will have restored order within 7 days.  Divisional Commander Leonidas has reformed his SPG (Spartan Patrol Group) and has assured the members of the Strategic Strategy Community Management Team that the problem will be small and insignificant for his well trained officers. He has supplied a picture for media purposes of one of his last patrols during which his officers gave a good account of themselves, apparently.



4 Responses

  1. I see the possibility here for a Tiger Squad. Stand still or I’ll release the striped beast.

  2. I’m sure the Spartan culture committee will be along to protest your comments shortly, and a new anti-discrimination team compromised of yet more officers from response / patrol will be made to combat the wave of anti-spartanic comments you have made!

    They’ll tell you it’s perfectly alright to stab people who disagree with you in their culture/country, so we can’t infringe their human rights by making them obey the basic tents of UK law!

  3. I like the idea of being referred to as a Spartan.

    However, you would not want to see my body stripped down. Not a pretty sight!!

  4. Quite amusing but in a few years time you’ll find that there will only be 300 ‘real’ Police officers left (I’m deliberately not counting SMT) and you know what eventually happened to the Spartans. What a sad day that will be.

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