• What You Measure is What You Get.

    Einstein : Not everything that can be counted counts. And not everything that counts can be counted.
  • About me.

    I know enough to know that at 04.00am it gets dark out on the streets. It has done this for the last twenty odd years, to my knowledge and will probably continue for the forseeable future. At some stage in this ‘future’ I shall retire and probably won’t give a damn if it still gets dark at 04.00am. Until then I shall be out there, somewhere, lurking in the shadows because someone, somewhere will be doing stuff they shouldn’t and then, well then I will introduce myself. In the meanwhile I shall try to remain sane and remember why I joined in the first place and try to ignore all the people who piss me off by making the job more complicated than it should be.
  • Opinions

    Any opinions contained in posts are mine and mine alone. Many of them will not be those of any Police Force, Police Organisation or Police Service around this country. The opinions are based on many years of working within the field of practical operational Police work and reflect the desire to do things with the minimum of interference by way of duplication for the benefit of others who themselves do not do the same job. I recognise that we all perform a wide range of roles and this is essential to make the system work. If you don’t like what you see remember you are only one click on the mouse away from leaving. I accept no responsibility for the comments left by others.
  • Recent Posts

  • Recent Comments

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  • C.T.C. Constabulary.

    A Strategic Community Diversity Partnership. We are cutting bureaucracy and reducing the recording of target and monitoring related statistics. Our senior leaders will drive small, economical cars from our fleet surplus to save money to invest in better equipment for our frontline response officers. We are investing money to reinstate station canteens for the benefits of those 24/7 response officers. We have a pursuit policy. The message is that if you commit an offence and use a vehicle, we will follow you and stop you if necessary. It is your duty to stop when the lights and sirens are on. We take account of the findings of the Force questionnaire and are reducing the administration and management levels and returning these officers to frontline response duties. We insist on a work-life balance. We have no political masters. We are implimenting selection processes that take account of an individuals skills and proven abilities for the job. Our senior leaders will have one foot in reality and still possess the operational Policing skills they have long forgotton about and seldom used. All ranks are Police Officers first and specialists second. We will impliment career development and performance evaluation monitoring of our leaders by those officers who operate under that leadership. The most important role is that of Constable. All other roles are there to positively support the role and the responsibility of Constable and the duties performed.
  • Whichendbites

    “We trained very hard, but it seemed that every time we were beginning to form up into teams we would be reorganised. I was to learn later in life that we tend to meet any new situation by reorganising. It can be a wonderful method of creating the illusion of progress while creating confusion, inefficiency and demoralisation.”......Petronius
  • Just so.

    Taxation is just a sophisticated way of demanding money with menaces.
  • Reality.

    Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
  • Rank V’s Responsibility

    Don't confuse your idea of how important you are with the responsibility of your role.
  • Meetings.

    If you had to identify, in one word, why we will never achieve our full potential, Meetings would be that word.
  • There is always a bigger picture.

    When there is no answer to your problem, there is always deflection from the need to justify giving an answer.

Who makes this stuff up.

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.  (Hardly seems worth it.)If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.  (Now that’s more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. ( O.M.G !)

A pig’s orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.

(Creepy.) (I’m still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour.(Don’t try this at home,maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male’s head off. (Honey, I’m home. What the…?!)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It’s like a human jumping the length of a football field.

(30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.  (I still want to be a pig in my next life …quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm……)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.

(If you’re ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (Okay, so that would be a good thing)

A cat’s urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they’ll live a lot longer)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig??) 

I am still figuring out how to get black light. Would I be able to see it ?

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7 Responses

  1. OMG, I’m left handed, I’m to young to die.
    I am not going to comment on the pig, but will you ever look at a sausage in the same (black) light again

  2. I tell you who make all that stuff up: the shit in the performance inspectors role who wants me to issue tickets to motorists for anything I can think of so the shit does not get bollocking from the chief super.

    The shit will tell us anything and has.

    On a completly different subject. Billy is a shit.

  3. Wow, I mean I’ve had some good ones, but 30 minutes? I’d die of sheer pleasure! It’s bad enough having a lot in 30 mins never mind one huge one… OK, I just read that back and I’ve somehow made it sound even dodgier than it was originally.

    As a natural leftie, but someone forced to write with the right what does that mean for my life expectancy?

  4. Whoever found out that a pig’s orgasm lasts 30 minutes was very brave to own up to it.

    Dear Mr Notellin (always be nice to policemen) I don’t know if you really wanted to know what black light is but I’ll be boring and answer. It refers to long wavelength ultraviolet light, just out of the visible range (less 450nm sounds about right). It’s why make-up glows in clubs. It doesn’t hurt the skin or eyes as much as short-wavelength UV. You can barely see it but it’ll make many things fluoresce (e.g. fake bank notes, security marker ink, washing powder and ironically mouse urine). I think it’s called black light because it’s made in tubes that look black.

    Finally, and please take this in a very gentle spirit and don’t set the dog on me, but “in my next life, I want to be a pig” risks being misconstrued.

  5. “Finally, and please take this in a very gentle spirit and don’t set the dog on me, but “in my next life, I want to be a pig” risks being misconstrued.”

    Simply brilliant Mr Hodgson – I even forgive you for making me spray coffee on my screen

    Excellent site WEB and kind regards to your dog

  6. A 30 min orgasm sounds great, but I’m more taken with the opportunity to have a sex life spanning several decades rather than a handful of years.

  7. Roses…..I don’t quite like the female praying mantis view of the world.

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