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    I know enough to know that at 04.00am it gets dark out on the streets. It has done this for the last twenty odd years, to my knowledge and will probably continue for the forseeable future. At some stage in this ‘future’ I shall retire and probably won’t give a damn if it still gets dark at 04.00am. Until then I shall be out there, somewhere, lurking in the shadows because someone, somewhere will be doing stuff they shouldn’t and then, well then I will introduce myself. In the meanwhile I shall try to remain sane and remember why I joined in the first place and try to ignore all the people who piss me off by making the job more complicated than it should be.
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    Any opinions contained in posts are mine and mine alone. Many of them will not be those of any Police Force, Police Organisation or Police Service around this country. The opinions are based on many years of working within the field of practical operational Police work and reflect the desire to do things with the minimum of interference by way of duplication for the benefit of others who themselves do not do the same job. I recognise that we all perform a wide range of roles and this is essential to make the system work. If you don’t like what you see remember you are only one click on the mouse away from leaving. I accept no responsibility for the comments left by others.
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  • C.T.C. Constabulary.

    A Strategic Community Diversity Partnership. We are cutting bureaucracy and reducing the recording of target and monitoring related statistics. Our senior leaders will drive small, economical cars from our fleet surplus to save money to invest in better equipment for our frontline response officers. We are investing money to reinstate station canteens for the benefits of those 24/7 response officers. We have a pursuit policy. The message is that if you commit an offence and use a vehicle, we will follow you and stop you if necessary. It is your duty to stop when the lights and sirens are on. We take account of the findings of the Force questionnaire and are reducing the administration and management levels and returning these officers to frontline response duties. We insist on a work-life balance. We have no political masters. We are implimenting selection processes that take account of an individuals skills and proven abilities for the job. Our senior leaders will have one foot in reality and still possess the operational Policing skills they have long forgotton about and seldom used. All ranks are Police Officers first and specialists second. We will impliment career development and performance evaluation monitoring of our leaders by those officers who operate under that leadership. The most important role is that of Constable. All other roles are there to positively support the role and the responsibility of Constable and the duties performed.
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    “We trained very hard, but it seemed that every time we were beginning to form up into teams we would be reorganised. I was to learn later in life that we tend to meet any new situation by reorganising. It can be a wonderful method of creating the illusion of progress while creating confusion, inefficiency and demoralisation.”......Petronius
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Polishing up on the lingo, a Polish experience.

It seems that we have a serious problem with the desk tops, cabinets and sideboards at the CTC Constabulary HQ offices. The desktops are in a filthy state with scratches and countless coffee cup rings from all the important meetings that pervade the corridors of power.  We are sending people away to get a course in furniture repair and maintenance techniques to polish the desks of the mighty.

Or so I thought.

I thought, again, about this and then realised that I had completely misread that information. It was a bit of a play on words. We are trying to embed ourselves with the high number of foreign migrant workers so we can really integrate with them and make them feel more at home. We are doing our bit for social integration and understanding.

It seems that Polish is the thing of the new world order because of the “changing nature” of communities and not polish as makes your luminance reflect the airborne advance of Mr Sheen and his flying machine.

In short, the high numbers of Polish migrant workers mean we have to send our people over to Poland to learn a bit of their native tongue whilst they come over to the UK to shine our wooden cabinets and sideboards.

Why don’t we get them to teach us whilst they are here. Surely a lot cheaper. I doubt whether we have considered that great institution Linguaphone, or even the FBI recommended Rosetta Stone.

I suppose we would look a bit bit funny asking Polish people the way to the beach in a slow and deliberate way, or how much for 2 coffees and a cheese roll, can you tell me the way to the station please. 

We are not following the money saving idea of keeping our hard earned wooden furniture in tip top condition but have decided to follow the likes of LincolnshireAvon & Somerset, Gloucester and Dyfed Powys  in sending some of our people away to Poland to learn how to speak Polish and not how to polish. A simply misunderstanding and a play on words that will not save a fortune but will cost a fortune. I understand that Krakow University will have to charge tuition fees soon.

At CTC Constabulary we are starting small to safeguard taxpayers money. We got a coach trip up to Liverpool and then Newcastle to try with some local dialects first. If we can add these to our earlier Cornish experience then we might try another country, perhaps Wales, first.  Then abroad, perhaps who knows ? We might try for the cross channel ferry over to the Isle of Wight. We can back in less than a day if we get a bit queasy on the crossing.

I wonder if this trend will be implemented to reflect every other country where the migrating workforce descend upon us. We’ll have no Police left as they will all be in Poland, Romania, Germany, Iraq, France, etc etc etc. I also wonder whose idea spawned this and whose career CV will be enhanced as a result.

I dread to think what the selection criteria would have been for these jollies.

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One Response

  1. Don’t worry, I’m a member of a foreign minority in the UK, too. And I propose that you get sent to my country of origin to learn my language. Yes, while all your top brass and their toadies are away in Poland, you can spent a couple of months learning Strine and brushing up on Aussie culture.

    Could you handle sinking a few ice-cold tinnies while watching the cricket?

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