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Polishing up on the lingo, a Polish experience.

It seems that we have a serious problem with the desk tops, cabinets and sideboards at the CTC Constabulary HQ offices. The desktops are in a filthy state with scratches and countless coffee cup rings from all the important meetings that pervade the corridors of power.  We are sending people away to get a course in furniture repair and maintenance techniques to polish the desks of the mighty.

Or so I thought.

I thought, again, about this and then realised that I had completely misread that information. It was a bit of a play on words. We are trying to embed ourselves with the high number of foreign migrant workers so we can really integrate with them and make them feel more at home. We are doing our bit for social integration and understanding.

It seems that Polish is the thing of the new world order because of the “changing nature” of communities and not polish as makes your luminance reflect the airborne advance of Mr Sheen and his flying machine.

In short, the high numbers of Polish migrant workers mean we have to send our people over to Poland to learn a bit of their native tongue whilst they come over to the UK to shine our wooden cabinets and sideboards.

Why don’t we get them to teach us whilst they are here. Surely a lot cheaper. I doubt whether we have considered that great institution Linguaphone, or even the FBI recommended Rosetta Stone.

I suppose we would look a bit bit funny asking Polish people the way to the beach in a slow and deliberate way, or how much for 2 coffees and a cheese roll, can you tell me the way to the station please. 

We are not following the money saving idea of keeping our hard earned wooden furniture in tip top condition but have decided to follow the likes of LincolnshireAvon & Somerset, Gloucester and Dyfed Powys  in sending some of our people away to Poland to learn how to speak Polish and not how to polish. A simply misunderstanding and a play on words that will not save a fortune but will cost a fortune. I understand that Krakow University will have to charge tuition fees soon.

At CTC Constabulary we are starting small to safeguard taxpayers money. We got a coach trip up to Liverpool and then Newcastle to try with some local dialects first. If we can add these to our earlier Cornish experience then we might try another country, perhaps Wales, first.  Then abroad, perhaps who knows ? We might try for the cross channel ferry over to the Isle of Wight. We can back in less than a day if we get a bit queasy on the crossing.

I wonder if this trend will be implemented to reflect every other country where the migrating workforce descend upon us. We’ll have no Police left as they will all be in Poland, Romania, Germany, Iraq, France, etc etc etc. I also wonder whose idea spawned this and whose career CV will be enhanced as a result.

I dread to think what the selection criteria would have been for these jollies.


One Response

  1. Don’t worry, I’m a member of a foreign minority in the UK, too. And I propose that you get sent to my country of origin to learn my language. Yes, while all your top brass and their toadies are away in Poland, you can spent a couple of months learning Strine and brushing up on Aussie culture.

    Could you handle sinking a few ice-cold tinnies while watching the cricket?

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