• What You Measure is What You Get.

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  • About me.

    I know enough to know that at 04.00am it gets dark out on the streets. It has done this for the last twenty odd years, to my knowledge and will probably continue for the forseeable future. At some stage in this ‘future’ I shall retire and probably won’t give a damn if it still gets dark at 04.00am. Until then I shall be out there, somewhere, lurking in the shadows because someone, somewhere will be doing stuff they shouldn’t and then, well then I will introduce myself. In the meanwhile I shall try to remain sane and remember why I joined in the first place and try to ignore all the people who piss me off by making the job more complicated than it should be.
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    Any opinions contained in posts are mine and mine alone. Many of them will not be those of any Police Force, Police Organisation or Police Service around this country. The opinions are based on many years of working within the field of practical operational Police work and reflect the desire to do things with the minimum of interference by way of duplication for the benefit of others who themselves do not do the same job. I recognise that we all perform a wide range of roles and this is essential to make the system work. If you don’t like what you see remember you are only one click on the mouse away from leaving. I accept no responsibility for the comments left by others.
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  • C.T.C. Constabulary.

    A Strategic Community Diversity Partnership. We are cutting bureaucracy and reducing the recording of target and monitoring related statistics. Our senior leaders will drive small, economical cars from our fleet surplus to save money to invest in better equipment for our frontline response officers. We are investing money to reinstate station canteens for the benefits of those 24/7 response officers. We have a pursuit policy. The message is that if you commit an offence and use a vehicle, we will follow you and stop you if necessary. It is your duty to stop when the lights and sirens are on. We take account of the findings of the Force questionnaire and are reducing the administration and management levels and returning these officers to frontline response duties. We insist on a work-life balance. We have no political masters. We are implimenting selection processes that take account of an individuals skills and proven abilities for the job. Our senior leaders will have one foot in reality and still possess the operational Policing skills they have long forgotton about and seldom used. All ranks are Police Officers first and specialists second. We will impliment career development and performance evaluation monitoring of our leaders by those officers who operate under that leadership. The most important role is that of Constable. All other roles are there to positively support the role and the responsibility of Constable and the duties performed.
  • Whichendbites

    “We trained very hard, but it seemed that every time we were beginning to form up into teams we would be reorganised. I was to learn later in life that we tend to meet any new situation by reorganising. It can be a wonderful method of creating the illusion of progress while creating confusion, inefficiency and demoralisation.”......Petronius
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Some things are better left unsaid.

Every now and then something happens that makes you recall something that happened to you. Some recent but some weeks, months or even years ago. Sometimes it-is something very funny, sometimes it-is something that affects the way you perceive the world and its inhabitants, sometimes it makes you question your sense of value or social conscience. Sometimes the affect is deep, emotional and everlasting. These things you simply do not forget.

I was called to what was reported as a burglary in progress at a house occupied by an elderly couple in their 70’s. They had never been any trouble to anyone, never fought or fell out. She was a sweet old girl and he was the perfect gentlemen. These were descriptions from their close neighbours. They seemed to be the perfect couple.

The callers, yes there were callers, mentioned crashing, banging and loud screaming coming from the normally quiet household and several units responded.

Upon my arrival I could hear loud and distressed screaming and found the front door shut. I went to the back and found the back door closed but unlocked. I quickly entered and made my way to the location of the noise. This was in the dining room.

Upon my entry I could see the wife, the elderly lady, very distressed, very angry, very just about everything. She was directing her fury, her anguish and obvious anger towards the husband, the small, insignificant and forlorn figure sat, like a statue on a chair at the table. He was unmoved, or perhaps he was unable to move. At that moment I was unable to tell. There was something else.

He had the contents of his dinner plate, the roast dinner, over his head, over his shoulders and draped across his face, down his front and in his lap.

This was a far more serious crime than a dwelling burglary.

What was his crime ?

It appeared that after 50 odd years of marriage, he had made the mistake, for some completely unknown reason, of telling his wife that he did not like her gravy.

I cancelled all the other units.

But being the Police, some just had to come and see for themselves.

What is it they say ?   For better or for worse ?


8 Responses

  1. Ten years ago, I told my wife that I was less than overjoyed with the hideous shirt she had bought me for Christmas. I am still paying……

  2. Woo-eee! If I was that guy, I would have used the table as a shield. You would have found me under it! I worked with a woman once, that was so ticked off at her husband for not coming to the dinner table pronto, (when she called him) – that she grabbed the tablecloth, gathered the roast, plates, silverware, you name it, that was on the table, and threw it out their front door. I made a mental note to never tick that woman off!

  3. Thank goodness, he kept quiet about not liking the way she cooked her sprouts.

  4. Aw bless him…lol…I have had to go into lock down if you would like an invite please email me…xx

  5. Brilliant!

    Last year I looked after an old dear whose husband had got a bit fed up about something and given her a slap for the first time in forty years.

    It was also the last time. She kicked him in the goolies and pushed him down the stairs so we ended up looking after him too!

  6. No doubt about it; Hell hath no fury like a woman with gravy scorned!

  7. I knew of a woman, who fed up with her husband who was never there for dinner because he always went to the pub after work with his mates, took his dinner up to the pub and slammed it down on the bar in front of everyone.
    Of course, everyone laughed their heads off.

    He was so embarrased he didn’t do that again and turned up promptly for dinner every night after that.

  8. Even my Mrs says I’m a better cook than her. Personally, I think it’s just a ploy to get me in the kitchen and let her drink wine whilst slouched on the sofa.

    Thank God she doesn’t read this, otherwise she might actually get off the sofa and fling the wine over me!

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