• What You Measure is What You Get.

    Einstein : Not everything that can be counted counts. And not everything that counts can be counted.
  • About me.

    I know enough to know that at 04.00am it gets dark out on the streets. It has done this for the last twenty odd years, to my knowledge and will probably continue for the forseeable future. At some stage in this ‘future’ I shall retire and probably won’t give a damn if it still gets dark at 04.00am. Until then I shall be out there, somewhere, lurking in the shadows because someone, somewhere will be doing stuff they shouldn’t and then, well then I will introduce myself. In the meanwhile I shall try to remain sane and remember why I joined in the first place and try to ignore all the people who piss me off by making the job more complicated than it should be.
  • Opinions

    Any opinions contained in posts are mine and mine alone. Many of them will not be those of any Police Force, Police Organisation or Police Service around this country. The opinions are based on many years of working within the field of practical operational Police work and reflect the desire to do things with the minimum of interference by way of duplication for the benefit of others who themselves do not do the same job. I recognise that we all perform a wide range of roles and this is essential to make the system work. If you don’t like what you see remember you are only one click on the mouse away from leaving. I accept no responsibility for the comments left by others.
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  • C.T.C. Constabulary.

    A Strategic Community Diversity Partnership. We are cutting bureaucracy and reducing the recording of target and monitoring related statistics. Our senior leaders will drive small, economical cars from our fleet surplus to save money to invest in better equipment for our frontline response officers. We are investing money to reinstate station canteens for the benefits of those 24/7 response officers. We have a pursuit policy. The message is that if you commit an offence and use a vehicle, we will follow you and stop you if necessary. It is your duty to stop when the lights and sirens are on. We take account of the findings of the Force questionnaire and are reducing the administration and management levels and returning these officers to frontline response duties. We insist on a work-life balance. We have no political masters. We are implimenting selection processes that take account of an individuals skills and proven abilities for the job. Our senior leaders will have one foot in reality and still possess the operational Policing skills they have long forgotton about and seldom used. All ranks are Police Officers first and specialists second. We will impliment career development and performance evaluation monitoring of our leaders by those officers who operate under that leadership. The most important role is that of Constable. All other roles are there to positively support the role and the responsibility of Constable and the duties performed.
  • Whichendbites

    “We trained very hard, but it seemed that every time we were beginning to form up into teams we would be reorganised. I was to learn later in life that we tend to meet any new situation by reorganising. It can be a wonderful method of creating the illusion of progress while creating confusion, inefficiency and demoralisation.”......Petronius
  • Just so.

    Taxation is just a sophisticated way of demanding money with menaces.
  • Reality.

    Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
  • Rank V’s Responsibility

    Don't confuse your idea of how important you are with the responsibility of your role.
  • Meetings.

    If you had to identify, in one word, why we will never achieve our full potential, Meetings would be that word.
  • There is always a bigger picture.

    When there is no answer to your problem, there is always deflection from the need to justify giving an answer.
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Cats V’s Dogs.


8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite!

9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite!

9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite!

10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite!

11:00 am – Went to the vet. Bummer.

12:00 pm – Lunch! My favorite!

1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favorite!

5:00 pm – Milk bones! My favorite!

7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favorite!

8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite!

11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite!


Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. I feel tired.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. I am so, so tired.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. But I feel tired.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. I must find somewhere for a little nap

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. I should really go back to sleep.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. This tired me a lot. I need to sleep.

I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am. B * stards! Under the radiator looks cosy & warm, I will sleep there.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. I will think about this while I sleep.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow – but at the top of the stairs. I woke up and left a small present for the, I wonder if they will find it.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. I’ve only had 18 hours of sleep today, I must try to get my usual amount tomorrow.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe — For now. I will think about how to despatch him whilst I sleep. 


10 Responses

  1. Oh thanks WEB, Now I know what to expect from our cat!!

  2. That’s so true!

  3. :-D….Absolutely true and very funny too…Love it!

  4. I’ve just managed to work the keyboard – its hard when you are laughing so hard.
    All so true, and the reason I own a dog and not a cat!!

  5. I was cracking up reading that! You are spot on! Your blog has made me laugh, as well as think of the other, not so funny things in the world. I’m glad I found you.

  6. So… don’t you like cats?

  7. I have a number of cats but no dog its not my choice to have the razor sharp little furry critters than turn on you in an instant. I used to have a mutt called him Clyde as in Bonnie and Clyde but he passed away.
    Id have a dog any day but dont have a garden anymore so it would be unfair.

  8. I read this a long time ago and thought it was absolutely brilliant, much like your one with the cat versus sniper cushions. Genius!!!

  9. Absolutely brilliant!!!!

  10. Only just found this…. absolutely accurate in my experience… well observed!… and what a hoot!

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