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Swearing in the workplace.

I have recently undergone some ‘training’ in an effort to enlighten me and bring me up to date with the currently political subjects that appear to be put in place as some form of arse covering excercise. One of these diversity type issues included innappropriate language in the workplace, known locally round our way as swearing. I have some of my own views on this but have included some advice and some alternatives that are deemed to be appropriate.

And so it goes………………….

It  has been brought to management’s attention that some individuals throughout the  organisation have been using inappropriate language during the course of normal  conversation with their colleagues.

Due  to complaints received from some employees who have been offended, or some employees who might have been offended if they had been present when this type of inappropriate language may have been used, this type of  language will no longer be tolerated.

We  do, however, realise the critical importance of being able to accurately express  your feelings when communicating with colleagues.

Therefore,  a list of 13 New, strategic and Innovative “TRY SAYING” phrases have been provided so that  proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective  manner.



Try  Saying:

I think you  could do with more training

Instead  Of:

You don’t have  a f***ing clue, do you?


Try  Saying:

She’s an  aggressive go-getter.

Instead  Of:

She’s a  f***ing power-crazy b*tch


Try  Saying:

Perhaps I can  work late

Instead  Of:

And when the  f*** do you expect me to do this?


Try  Saying:

I’m certain  that isn’t feasible

Instead  Of:

F*** off , you f***ing half wit!! 


Try  Saying:


Instead  Of:

Well f*** me  backwards with a telegraph pole


Try  Saying:

Perhaps you  should check with…

Instead  Of:

Tell someone  who gives a f***.


Try  Saying:

I wasn’t  involved in the project.

Instead  Of:

Not my f***ing  problem, mate.


Try  Saying:

That’s  interesting.

Instead  Of:

What the  f***?


Try  Saying:

I’m not sure  this can be implemented within the given timescale.

Instead  Of:

No f***ing  chance mate.


Try  Saying:

It will be  tight, but I’ll try to schedule it in

Instead  Of:

Why the f***  didn’t you tell me that yesterday?


Try  Saying:

He’s not  familiar with the issues

Instead  Of:

He’s got his  head up his f***ing a*se.


Try  Saying:

Excuse me,  sir?

Instead  Of:

Oi, s*** for brains.


Try  Saying:

Of course, I  was only going to be at home anyway

Instead  Of:

Yeah, who  needs f***ing holidays  anyway. Do you want blood as well.


One Response

  1. How about 14
    Try saying ‘I’ll see what I can do sir ‘
    Instead of ‘Listen boss just shove a fu’****g”brush up my a**e and I’ll do the floor as well’

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