Mental Health Hotline, this just takes automated call handling to a new level. This is almost as good as the Police automated system.
“Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependant, ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5,6.
If you are paranoid we know what you are and what you want, stay on the line and we’ll trace your call.
If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mothership.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressive it doesn’t matter which button you press, no-one will answer you.
If you are dyslexic press 696969.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep.
If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later.
And if you have low self esteem, hang up – all our operators are too busy to talk to you.”
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