• What You Measure is What You Get.

    Einstein : Not everything that can be counted counts. And not everything that counts can be counted.
  • About me.

    I know enough to know that at 04.00am it gets dark out on the streets. It has done this for the last twenty odd years, to my knowledge and will probably continue for the forseeable future. At some stage in this ‘future’ I shall retire and probably won’t give a damn if it still gets dark at 04.00am. Until then I shall be out there, somewhere, lurking in the shadows because someone, somewhere will be doing stuff they shouldn’t and then, well then I will introduce myself. In the meanwhile I shall try to remain sane and remember why I joined in the first place and try to ignore all the people who piss me off by making the job more complicated than it should be.
  • Opinions

    Any opinions contained in posts are mine and mine alone. Many of them will not be those of any Police Force, Police Organisation or Police Service around this country. The opinions are based on many years of working within the field of practical operational Police work and reflect the desire to do things with the minimum of interference by way of duplication for the benefit of others who themselves do not do the same job. I recognise that we all perform a wide range of roles and this is essential to make the system work. If you don’t like what you see remember you are only one click on the mouse away from leaving. I accept no responsibility for the comments left by others.
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  • C.T.C. Constabulary.

    A Strategic Community Diversity Partnership. We are cutting bureaucracy and reducing the recording of target and monitoring related statistics. Our senior leaders will drive small, economical cars from our fleet surplus to save money to invest in better equipment for our frontline response officers. We are investing money to reinstate station canteens for the benefits of those 24/7 response officers. We have a pursuit policy. The message is that if you commit an offence and use a vehicle, we will follow you and stop you if necessary. It is your duty to stop when the lights and sirens are on. We take account of the findings of the Force questionnaire and are reducing the administration and management levels and returning these officers to frontline response duties. We insist on a work-life balance. We have no political masters. We are implimenting selection processes that take account of an individuals skills and proven abilities for the job. Our senior leaders will have one foot in reality and still possess the operational Policing skills they have long forgotton about and seldom used. All ranks are Police Officers first and specialists second. We will impliment career development and performance evaluation monitoring of our leaders by those officers who operate under that leadership. The most important role is that of Constable. All other roles are there to positively support the role and the responsibility of Constable and the duties performed.
  • Whichendbites

    “We trained very hard, but it seemed that every time we were beginning to form up into teams we would be reorganised. I was to learn later in life that we tend to meet any new situation by reorganising. It can be a wonderful method of creating the illusion of progress while creating confusion, inefficiency and demoralisation.”......Petronius
  • Just so.

    Taxation is just a sophisticated way of demanding money with menaces.
  • Reality.

    Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
  • Rank V’s Responsibility

    Don't confuse your idea of how important you are with the responsibility of your role.
  • Meetings.

    If you had to identify, in one word, why we will never achieve our full potential, Meetings would be that word.
  • There is always a bigger picture.

    When there is no answer to your problem, there is always deflection from the need to justify giving an answer.

Never trust a teddy.

The PR crackled into life all of a sudden. The call was obviously urgent and any unit available was wanted to make for the edge of the Britannia Estate. The doctor’s surgery above the community centre had got unwanted visitors. They had been seen to climb across the roof before forcing a window and gaining entry.

As the eyes of the world watched from behind the safety of twitching curtains, the responders made their way, swiftly and as silently as a diesel police vehicle could possibly be. About half a mile away one of the intruders heard the distant diesel throb as it tried, unsuccessfully, to gain the element of surprise. After a shout, the spotter hurried out of the window, across the roof, dropped into the car park and was lost into the night. Egress from window onto the roof would be in the text on the crime.

It was possible the other did not hear the warning shout, nor heard the diesel throb as it got noisily ever closer. But closer it got until it was too late.

We were there. In all our good guy glory. One to the front, another towards the side with a good view across the car park. The dog support into the shadows at the back, by the edge of the roof to the window chosen by the intruders.

Keys are on the way, about 20 minutes. By this time we have bodies on the roof outside the window, we have containment and we have a dog ready to go in as soon as the keys have opened up and knocked off the alarm. The ringing noise of the alarm, despite the audible delay, has stopped but the ringing from being too close continues in my head.

We are in, the door is covered and my boy sets off in search of the quarry. In the same way that he would search out a tasty morsel for dinner, he begins his search, the hunt is on for the intruder.

Slowly and systematically, room by room, the building is knocked off. Closer to the far end of the building I follow. I have interest in a couple of places. We have success, we have some tools, a torch, a jacket, hat and gloves. We have the tools of the trade but, we want more. The urgency in the dog becomes heightened as he moves from corridor into room after room and then back again. He could be close.

In a room I begin to hear low gutteral growls followed by shaking and ragging of something that has clearly pissed the dog off. I move towards the sound, the growls and noises get louder. I enter the room and in my torchlight I see that my dog has got a really nasty offender. He must have threatened or kicked out at the dog and the dog has done his stuff. I call him back. He drops the suspect and returns. I see the pathetic, lifeless form of the suspect on the floor. His coat is torn but it seemed to be well-worn anyway.

I put the dog in the down and approach the suspect. I pick him up and replace him into the large box that contained all the rest of the cuddly toys in the child’s playbox in the waiting area. I will tell the key-holder about this later on. The other toys might need counselling having witnessed the savagery of the attack on their friend.

I carry on the search until I find what we really came for. Squashed under the sink base unit. I think he thought we had already found his mate. He was compliant and almost relieved to be under the supervision of response.

You can never trust a teddy.

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5 Responses

  1. Brilliant. Been waiting for ages for one of these. Love the incidents and you write them so well.

  2. Don’t ever partake of the picnics, either. You never know what’s in those cookies they offer so innocently …

  3. “But at 6 o’clock the coppers are coming to take them all away,
    ’cause they’ve been naughty little teddy bears.”

    — Fred Wedlock “The teddy bears rave-up”

    (Sorry, couldn’t resist it.)

    Cadbury

  4. Well, I was hoping that it would be a Clown, or at least a mime….

  5. Hey, My monster’s the same as I have on IG’s…!!

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