• What You Measure is What You Get.

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  • About me.

    I know enough to know that at 04.00am it gets dark out on the streets. It has done this for the last twenty odd years, to my knowledge and will probably continue for the forseeable future. At some stage in this ‘future’ I shall retire and probably won’t give a damn if it still gets dark at 04.00am. Until then I shall be out there, somewhere, lurking in the shadows because someone, somewhere will be doing stuff they shouldn’t and then, well then I will introduce myself. In the meanwhile I shall try to remain sane and remember why I joined in the first place and try to ignore all the people who piss me off by making the job more complicated than it should be.

  • Opinions

    Any opinions contained in posts are mine and mine alone. Many of them will not be those of any Police Force, Police Organisation or Police Service around this country. The opinions are based on many years of working within the field of practical operational Police work and reflect the desire to do things with the minimum of interference by way of duplication for the benefit of others who themselves do not do the same job. I recognise that we all perform a wide range of roles and this is essential to make the system work. If you don’t like what you see remember you are only one click on the mouse away from leaving. I accept no responsibility for the comments left by others.

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  • C.T.C. Constabulary.

    A Strategic Community Diversity Partnership. We are cutting bureaucracy and reducing the recording of target and monitoring related statistics. Our senior leaders will drive small, economical cars from our fleet surplus to save money to invest in better equipment for our frontline response officers. We are investing money to reinstate station canteens for the benefits of those 24/7 response officers. We have a pursuit policy. The message is that if you commit an offence and use a vehicle, we will follow you and stop you if necessary. It is your duty to stop when the lights and sirens are on. We take account of the findings of the Force questionnaire and are reducing the administration and management levels and returning these officers to frontline response duties. We insist on a work-life balance. We have no political masters. We are implimenting selection processes that take account of an individuals skills and proven abilities for the job. Our senior leaders will have one foot in reality and still possess the operational Policing skills they have long forgotton about and seldom used. All ranks are Police Officers first and specialists second. We will impliment career development and performance evaluation monitoring of our leaders by those officers who operate under that leadership. The most important role is that of Constable. All other roles are there to positively support the role and the responsibility of Constable and the duties performed.

  • Whichendbites

    “We trained very hard, but it seemed that every time we were beginning to form up into teams we would be reorganised. I was to learn later in life that we tend to meet any new situation by reorganising. It can be a wonderful method of creating the illusion of progress while creating confusion, inefficiency and demoralisation.”......Petronius

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    Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

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    Don't confuse your idea of how important you are with the responsibility of your role.

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    If you had to identify, in one word, why we will never achieve our full potential, Meetings would be that word.

  • There is always a bigger picture.

    When there is no answer to your problem, there is always deflection from the need to justify giving an answer.

Bullshit Bingo

Posted on November 15, 2009 by whichendbites

 Are you bored, or fed up with the latest meeting or seemingly pointless conference. When you need that extra little diversion to break the tedium of listening to jobsworths talking bullshit to justify their existence instead of getting on with a real and meaningful job, then opt for bullshit bingo.

Listen to the endless, spouting jargon and trendy buzz phrases. Tune your ear into the latest corporate claptrap and meaningless word juggling and mark off each of the words/phrases on the grid until you get a line down, across or even better, go for that full house. When completed stand up and shout “Bullshit” to the amazement of the rest of the people attending. Better still, copy off several sheets and pass them around and then see who wins.

Bring offenders to justice
Resource model
Pre- populated
Police and Agency partners
Investing in people
Multi 
Agency
Deny criminals the use of the road network
Making our
Communities 
safer
Bullshit Bingo Free square
Control strategy
Enforcement priority
Volumetric
 Business case
 Resource
efficient
 Community focus
 Core business
Fit for purpose
Business scorecard matrix
Crime mapping
Workforce modernisation
Reinforce our mission values
Bring offenders to justice
Demand profile
Citizen
focussed
policing
Value for Money
Organisational strategy
 Sustainable
Key performance indicators
Bigger Picture
Efficiency
savings
 Strategic aim                     
Intelligence directorate
Ownership
 Community engagement matrix
Intelligence led
Scoping
period
Diverse aware
 Embed
This is a live Document
 Best practice
 Partnership
Go-live

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3 Responses

  1. Fee, on November 16th, 2009 at 1:42 pm Said:

    We have a version of this which includes such delights as “income enhancing strategy” (increasing profits), “rework reduction” (stop making mistakes), “system-led contra-indicators” (our computers are shite) and the new one “programming contra-indicators” (our computers are shite and we can’t fix them).

    They’ve started giving us free coffees at these meetings, to keep us awake. One boss we had used to intersperse the “proper” slides with the scream face to check if we were watching.

  2. Blueknight, on November 16th, 2009 at 11:53 pm Said:

    tension indicator
    visible ethnic minority
    empowering
    stakeholder
    community leader

  3. Twining, on November 17th, 2009 at 3:35 pm Said:

    WEB – when managers talk like this to me my eyebrows raise, my mouth opens wide, I struggle to hide a yawn, and I think of paradise as in a beach andin my mind are the words, “bollocks.”

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