• What You Measure is What You Get.

    Einstein : Not everything that can be counted counts. And not everything that counts can be counted.
  • About me.

    I know enough to know that at 04.00am it gets dark out on the streets. It has done this for the last twenty odd years, to my knowledge and will probably continue for the forseeable future. At some stage in this ‘future’ I shall retire and probably won’t give a damn if it still gets dark at 04.00am. Until then I shall be out there, somewhere, lurking in the shadows because someone, somewhere will be doing stuff they shouldn’t and then, well then I will introduce myself. In the meanwhile I shall try to remain sane and remember why I joined in the first place and try to ignore all the people who piss me off by making the job more complicated than it should be.
  • Opinions

    Any opinions contained in posts are mine and mine alone. Many of them will not be those of any Police Force, Police Organisation or Police Service around this country. The opinions are based on many years of working within the field of practical operational Police work and reflect the desire to do things with the minimum of interference by way of duplication for the benefit of others who themselves do not do the same job. I recognise that we all perform a wide range of roles and this is essential to make the system work. If you don’t like what you see remember you are only one click on the mouse away from leaving. I accept no responsibility for the comments left by others.
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  • C.T.C. Constabulary.

    A Strategic Community Diversity Partnership. We are cutting bureaucracy and reducing the recording of target and monitoring related statistics. Our senior leaders will drive small, economical cars from our fleet surplus to save money to invest in better equipment for our frontline response officers. We are investing money to reinstate station canteens for the benefits of those 24/7 response officers. We have a pursuit policy. The message is that if you commit an offence and use a vehicle, we will follow you and stop you if necessary. It is your duty to stop when the lights and sirens are on. We take account of the findings of the Force questionnaire and are reducing the administration and management levels and returning these officers to frontline response duties. We insist on a work-life balance. We have no political masters. We are implimenting selection processes that take account of an individuals skills and proven abilities for the job. Our senior leaders will have one foot in reality and still possess the operational Policing skills they have long forgotton about and seldom used. All ranks are Police Officers first and specialists second. We will impliment career development and performance evaluation monitoring of our leaders by those officers who operate under that leadership. The most important role is that of Constable. All other roles are there to positively support the role and the responsibility of Constable and the duties performed.
  • Whichendbites

    “We trained very hard, but it seemed that every time we were beginning to form up into teams we would be reorganised. I was to learn later in life that we tend to meet any new situation by reorganising. It can be a wonderful method of creating the illusion of progress while creating confusion, inefficiency and demoralisation.”......Petronius
  • Just so.

    Taxation is just a sophisticated way of demanding money with menaces.
  • Reality.

    Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
  • Rank V’s Responsibility

    Don't confuse your idea of how important you are with the responsibility of your role.
  • Meetings.

    If you had to identify, in one word, why we will never achieve our full potential, Meetings would be that word.
  • There is always a bigger picture.

    When there is no answer to your problem, there is always deflection from the need to justify giving an answer.

Military humour.

The Queen is inspecting 3 armed forces personnel, 1 from each of her fighting forces.

She asks each one what they would do if they woke up and found a camel spider in their tent on operations?

The squaddie says, “I’d reach over, grab my bayonet and stab it to death!”

The matelot says, “I’d reach over, grab my boot and batter it to death !”

The airman says, “I’d reach over, pick up my phone, call reception and ask……..

“Who the f*** has put a tent up in my hotel room?”

HT rogue gunner

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13 Responses

  1. Too right, I only went to war if there was a 5 star hotel involved.

    You have to admit, Betty Windsor’s Flying Circus have it right. We sent our officers out to fight….

  2. Reminds me of a couple of jokes my grandad used to tell ( a former Royal Marine 42-46)

    An American soldier and a British soldier meet in a pub in Chatham.
    Comparing each others uniforms, the British soldier asks:
    “So what does the USM on the collar, stand for.”
    The American soldier replys:
    “It stands for UNITED STATES MARINES!, the toughest, bravest fighting men in the world, we kick ass and take names, no job too hard, no danger too great, HOORAH!”

    The American then asks:
    “So what does the RM on your collar stand for?”

    “Real Marine” says the Brit

    ————

    A French and British General are talking at a ‘do’

    The French General says:
    “My men are so perfectly trained, when asked to present arms, all you hear is ‘Stomp, Stomp, Slap, Slap’ all in perfect unison.”

    “Well” says the British General, ” When my men present arms, all you hear is ‘Stomp, Stomp, Slap, Slap, Jingle, Jingle.”

    “Jingle, Jingle?” says the French General.

    “Well” says the British General. “They can’t help it you see, it’s the medals”

  3. The Airforce have class!

  4. Very funny.

  5. A friend of mine was a Cox’n on a RAF SaR boat out in the Med.

    One fine day, the USN testing one of their new Hydrofoil SaR boats, whistled past his old boat, signalled him “You have just been passed by the USN’s newest and fastest rescue boat..”
    My friend and his crew, not being too impressed, started the rest of their engines (5 in total, I believe) and shortly afterwards passed the hydrofoil…Signalling “You have just been passed by the RAF’s OLDEST and SLOWEST rescue boat….”

  6. An Australian infantry sergeant and a US Marine sergeant were on exchange duty and were sharing the latrines.

    The Aussie sergeant finished first and walked out without washing his hands. The US Marine watched in disgust, finished, washed his hands, walked out and caught up to the Aussie sergeant , saying “In the US Marine Corps we’re taught to wash our hands after a leak”.

    The Aussie sergeant replied, “In the Australian Army mate, we’re taught not to piss on our hands …! “

  7. The reason the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines squabble among themselves is that they don’t speak the same language.

    For example, take a simple phrase like, “Secure the building.”

    • The Army will put guards around the place.

    • The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.

    • The Air Force will take out a 5-year lease with an option to buy.

    • The Marines will kill everybody inside and make it a command post.

  8. [...] we are to the first of many Friday instalments of military humour. First up a joke that I found on Whichendbites‘ blog, posted in reply by Pavlov’s [...]

  9. [...] 29, 2009 by Marquesate First up a joke that I found on Whichendbites‘ [...]

  10. [...] 19, 2009 by Marquesate First up a joke that I found on Whichendbites‘ [...]

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