• What You Measure is What You Get.

    Einstein : Not everything that can be counted counts. And not everything that counts can be counted.
  • About me.

    I know enough to know that at 04.00am it gets dark out on the streets. It has done this for the last twenty odd years, to my knowledge and will probably continue for the forseeable future. At some stage in this ‘future’ I shall retire and probably won’t give a damn if it still gets dark at 04.00am. Until then I shall be out there, somewhere, lurking in the shadows because someone, somewhere will be doing stuff they shouldn’t and then, well then I will introduce myself. In the meanwhile I shall try to remain sane and remember why I joined in the first place and try to ignore all the people who piss me off by making the job more complicated than it should be.
  • Opinions

    Any opinions contained in posts are mine and mine alone. Many of them will not be those of any Police Force, Police Organisation or Police Service around this country. The opinions are based on many years of working within the field of practical operational Police work and reflect the desire to do things with the minimum of interference by way of duplication for the benefit of others who themselves do not do the same job. I recognise that we all perform a wide range of roles and this is essential to make the system work. If you don’t like what you see remember you are only one click on the mouse away from leaving. I accept no responsibility for the comments left by others.
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  • C.T.C. Constabulary.

    A Strategic Community Diversity Partnership. We are cutting bureaucracy and reducing the recording of target and monitoring related statistics. Our senior leaders will drive small, economical cars from our fleet surplus to save money to invest in better equipment for our frontline response officers. We are investing money to reinstate station canteens for the benefits of those 24/7 response officers. We have a pursuit policy. The message is that if you commit an offence and use a vehicle, we will follow you and stop you if necessary. It is your duty to stop when the lights and sirens are on. We take account of the findings of the Force questionnaire and are reducing the administration and management levels and returning these officers to frontline response duties. We insist on a work-life balance. We have no political masters. We are implimenting selection processes that take account of an individuals skills and proven abilities for the job. Our senior leaders will have one foot in reality and still possess the operational Policing skills they have long forgotton about and seldom used. All ranks are Police Officers first and specialists second. We will impliment career development and performance evaluation monitoring of our leaders by those officers who operate under that leadership. The most important role is that of Constable. All other roles are there to positively support the role and the responsibility of Constable and the duties performed.
  • Whichendbites

    “We trained very hard, but it seemed that every time we were beginning to form up into teams we would be reorganised. I was to learn later in life that we tend to meet any new situation by reorganising. It can be a wonderful method of creating the illusion of progress while creating confusion, inefficiency and demoralisation.”......Petronius
  • Just so.

    Taxation is just a sophisticated way of demanding money with menaces.
  • Reality.

    Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
  • Rank V’s Responsibility

    Don't confuse your idea of how important you are with the responsibility of your role.
  • Meetings.

    If you had to identify, in one word, why we will never achieve our full potential, Meetings would be that word.
  • There is always a bigger picture.

    When there is no answer to your problem, there is always deflection from the need to justify giving an answer.

The morale of the story ?

The Ant and The Grasshopper

OLD VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself

MODERN VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool. He laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

BBC, ITV, SKY news, Channel 4 & even CNN, show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. The British public are stunned by the sharp contrast.
How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, so civilized and prosperous this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

The grasshopper is immediately accorded victim status.

The telly tubbies appears on children’s TV with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing, “It’s Not Easy Being Green.” along with other anti-ant songs.

Representatives and supporters from the various minority Political institutions stage a demonstration in front of the ant’s house where the news stations film the group singing, “We shall overcome.” The Archbishop of Canterbury leads the group to kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper’s sake.

Tony Blair exclaims in an interview with Jeremy Paxman that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both agree that an immediate stealth tax should be levied on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the European Commission, pushed by the UK MEP’s drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The grasshopper seeks and is awarded legal aid to take his case to the European Court of Human rights.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government. The Ant is left branded a grasshopperist and as a result of so much negative press is unable to begin to work to rebuild his life.

Cherie Blair gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of High Court judges that Tony Blair appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients.

The ant loses the case. The grasshopper is awarded costs and a sizeable compensation package that leaves the ant financially crippled. The grasshopper employs an agent and is able to secure book & film rights and several lucrative sponsorship deals.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food while the local authority low cost housing property he has been given, which just happens to be the ant’s old house, crumbles around him because he doesn’t maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the snow.

The grasshopper is later found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.

MORAL OF THE STORY: You can decide this one.

Of course this is all totally untrue and non-factual. A complete work of fiction.
How could it be anything else ?

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5 Responses

  1. I don’t understand :(

  2. I do….

  3. LOL fantastic!!!

  4. Grasshopperist.

    Genius.

  5. You’ve been drinking with grannysmithpeeler haven’t you?

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